I realize that we’ve reached a point in our walk as millennials where far too many lines are beginning to blur in the love/relationships department, so I'd like to offer my services.

We can’t tell flirting apart from a kind gesture, distinguish a platonic friend from a lover, or decipher a Netflix and Chill appointment from an actual date.

For the sake of time, we’re here to discuss the latter, because y’all clearly don’t know what y’all doing.giphy aI’ve been on a lot of dates and I mean a lot. Some were treated as an elaborate gesture to express one’s interest in me, others were poorly planned trainwrecks that would make even the hopeless-est of romantics that more hopeless.

You see, dates are like job interviews: the more you go on, the better you get.

It all started when you submitted your application via Tinder or by approaching a charming stranger shopping for toilet paper at Target to express your initial interest. Hours or even days later, you received a callback because judging from what you’ve presented on paper or texts, you’ve displayed qualities that suggest you may be a top candidate. Because of this, the recruiter – your crush – would like to bring you in for further inquisition.

Now, it’s showtime.

The day and location to meet has been agreed on, you’ve assembled your best fit to impress your suitor, and practiced your best lines. The evening consists of a flowing exchange of questions that allow both parties to judge if the other is the best fit for the job they’re looking to fill, but are you that somebody?

Only time will tell.

But before you get in the hot seat, here’s a quick guide to what a date ISand IS NOT:

A DATE IS SCHEDULED.

When you are in the early stages (DATES 1 – 2) of seeking out a potential partner, spontaneity is not welcomed. You wouldn’t just roll up on a stranger and tell them that get in your car because you want to take them out for a drink: that’s called kidnapping. You should treat dates with the same consideration and intention. There’s nothing worse than feeling like someone’s Plan B. Like you had nothing else to do on your Saturday night or that things fell through with your Plan A, Jasmine, so now you’re reaching out to Jessica. How would that make you feel? Ask her/him what their schedule looks like for the week, when she/he’s available, and plan accordingly.

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A DATE MAY START WITH A TEXT, BUT SHOULDN’T END THERE.

Have we forgotten the main function of a cellular device? To make calls! Yes, text her when it comes to settling on the fine details, but on the days leading up to the date, PICK UP THE PHONE! Treat it as a courtesy call for the following: to confirm or reschedule. Let them know you’re excited to see them later or to confirm that you all are still on as planned. Did something come up unexpectedly? Experiencing cold feet or a change of heart? Have the decency to give that person a clear heads up, we understand that life happens, but don’t go ghost and have people thinking you got hit by a bus or vanished into oblivion.

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A DATE IS NOT A DICK APPOINTMENT.

Let’s be real about it, y'all. Some of you guys aren’t being real about your intentions and some of you ladies aren’t being honest about your… “needs.” What can you learn about somebody between the sheets that you couldn’t have already peeped from dinner? I’ll help you out a bit: not a dang thing. These events, both fulfilling in their own right, are not compliments to the other. If you only want to have sex, say that from the jump! Don’t allude to it with less than subtle hints or get her full off pasta to where The Itis clouds her judgement. Or vice versa. Be clear about your intentions beforehand, both of you! If you want the D, say that. If she just wants dinner, respect that.

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A DATE SHOULD BE IN A PUBLIC VICINITY.

Sis, stop agreeing to “dates” on his coach. That was cute when you y’all were broke college freshmen, but you’re grown now. Know your worth. If he doesn’t have the wherewithal to plan and cough up some change to see that you all have an enjoyable experience together, leave him on Read. I’m not saying he has to take you to Wolfgang Puck on the first date, but pick a park, wine and cheese tasting, Starbucks, heck, even the public library, as long as it's anywhere but his bedroom. A man that only wants to keep you indoors is either ashamed to be seen with you in public or is married. In either case: RUN.

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Before you goWhat are you're rules of dating? What qualifies as a "date" in your book?  Leave a comment letting me know your thoughts, I’d love to hear! 

Peace, peace, peace,

Aley Arion 

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Posted by:aleyarion

when i first set out to create my blog, i just wanted an outlet to balance my mundane college schedule. but over the years, it has become so much more. writing is how i process my world & the events that take place within it. through aleyarion.com, i seek to help my fellow 20-somethings, like me, working to find light when their paths seem darkened and learn from my mistakes so i can save you the trouble of repeating them. aleyarion.com is witty, vulnerable, and transparent, but most importantly, it's me, unapologetically. peace, peace, peace Aley Arion business inquiries: aleyarion@gmail.com

8 replies on “wHaT’s A DaTe? – Cause Y’all Clearly Have No Clue…

  1. We males face dating problems as well. You didn’t mention how ladies go on dates knowing that they don’t want to be with a male. Some females use us for the free meal and entertainment knowing it’s not going anywhere. And facts any man who doesn’t want to take you out only wants the draws

  2. I love this!
    People really make dating so awkward and difficult sometimes.
    I agree it especially sucks when you know a dude is only interested in one thing. Unless we’re just trying to be fuck buddies, relax.
    When it comes to dates I like when guys actually try to plan things. A hike, comedy show, poetry show, a carnival/fair, a dinner, a movie, a fun outing. It doesn’t even have to be hella expensive. Use the phone and call me. Ask me questions and figure out what I like to do and lets make a plan to hang out. Lol you would think that would be simple.

    1. omgggg!! don’t they tho!! 😭😩🤦🏾‍♀️ like Lauryn Hill said, it could all be so simple!! Being clear about one’s intention also takes a lot of the pressure away from both parties cause now you know what you’re getting yourself into & if it doesn’t match your needs, you have the space to gone head & bounce ✌🏾

      And yes!! I love a man who can PLAN!! & follow thru with those PLANS!! there is really soooo much to do for a date that won’t break your pockets but we too lazy these days 😩😩😩 imma stay hopeful tho, I’m praying for our generation hahaha

      Thank you for your comment! & feel free to follow me on IG: @aleyarion ♥️♥️♥️

  3. Oh wow…I’ve been in a relationship for almost 4 years, I wouldn’t even know how to date lol, but I must say, I have been asked to dinner a few times at work from one of my male co-workers or potential gym members. However, my co-worker has been asking me little hints of things I like to eat, wines I like, books I like to read, places I’d like to go, etc. It’s actually pretty cute (even though he knows he doesn’t have a chance lol). But I think if I were single, I would want for both of us to plan a place we’d like to go since we both have to go on the date. We NEED to communicate the date, time, the way of transportation (who’s comfortable with doing what), but I think my rule of thumb would be, whoever initially makes the suggestions MUST plan it out. I’ll help in giving suggestions, but don’t expect me to do the work if YOU asked me out. Period.

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