People swear that the greatest relationships come from being friends first, but… I beg to differ…
Up until my senior year of high school, I was completely terrified of boys. They didn’t like me, I didn’t like them, and we had a mutual, unspoken understanding of this.
It wasn’t until college that I truly began to learn that guys weren’t that bad as long as you kept things platonic; so that’s exactly what I did. Sure, I dated guys – mostly douchebags – but the relationships that really stuck were those that began as being friends and nothing more.
There was one particular guy that was “different” from the rest. Our friendship began freshmen year and we instantly clicked. He matched my sense of humor and intellect, but most of all, I could be my true, uncensored self around him. Let’s call him Jake.Now, he wasn’t much to look at when we met, but aren’t we all a little hit until we grow into ourselves? He dressed like the kid who couldn’t let go of his uniforms from his elementary charter school days, wore wire glasses, and was just an all-around dweeb. But something about his personality made you look passed his less-than-appealing exterior.
But like most glow-ups, his evolution occurred after an extended period of time without seeing him. Homeboy went away to study abroad for a semester and come back a whole new man. Then all of a sudden, there was something there… a light… a glow… that had me asking myself, is that who was hiding under there for all these years?
To say the least, he went full Stefan Urquelle on me. The thing about developing feelings for your once platonic friend is this: if you value the friendship you all have, there’s nothing that you want to do to jeopardize what you’ve established with them.
So, what did we do about our harboring feelings towards each other? Not a dang thing.
Even though we both shared a mutual desire to release ourselves from our self-imprisoned friend zone, our awkwardness silenced us, forcing us to occupy the space that we had given ourselves.
But something strange happened on graduation day. After the ceremony ended and we said our final goodbyes, I got a text message that changed everything.
In 2-3 lengthy paragraphs, he texted me and shared how he really felt about me. How there was “so much more he wanted to say to me,” before we left, but was “just too afraid.”
Now, we being the understanding/compassionate friends that I am, I told him that was the stupidest things I’d ever heard and if he felt that way he should have just said so.From there, we left things where they were and simply remained “friends.”
But you know how us millennials are, always posting and oversharing things from our personal lives…
One day I was scrolling through Facebook, and I saw a post from Jake with some girl. Now, I didn’t think too much of it because, for all I knew, that could be his cousin or something, no biggy. But *then* I get on my Snapchat and see that same girl is in his snaps with captions talking about “my boo” this and “bae” that.
I was thinking like, well excuse the heck out of me? No, this nigga did not just go and get cuffed when I was up in this face for 4 years?Now, being the good person that I am, I didn’t let it phase me too much. I mean, what could I do? He made his choice. He didn’t want me. However, it was when I continued to get little flirty messages from him that caused me to become completely annoyed.
One day while minding my own unbothered business, Jake drunkenly texted me, reminiscing on our glory days in college, and brought up his feelings for me once again. This left a pretty sour taste in my mouth only because I will not be another nigga’s side-fantasy while he has a WHOLE GIRLFRIEND. I don’t need that kind of karma/juju in my life. So, I had to shut it down. *in my Sunshine Anderson voice*
I basically had to tell him to stop living in this mythical world where he and I were “a thing.” His decision was already made, so any hope of us getting together was dead. Faneto. And do y’all know what he told me?
He said it’s: “Never dead, just postponed.”Did he really just postpone me?? In case you don’t understand the gravity of this, let me pull up the definition of the word:
postpone [pohst-pohn]: verb (used with object) – postponed, postponing
1.) to put off to a later time; defer
2.) to place after in order of importance or estimation; subordinate
Somehow, in his brain, he thought that I, Aley Arion, was going to be sitting around for him to do his thing with homegirl to then see my worth and come back to pick me up. As if I would even be there when he got back!!
Appalled is not the word, sis. This was crossing into new levels of disrespect that these brand-new acting negros have created.This one conversation was the tipping point to the end of our friendship. He may not be intuitive enough to know it, but after this, I just didn’t look at him the same. That was the day he stopped being my friend and became just another nigga.
If you haven’t caught the drift, the lesson here is this: ladies, you are always worth being someone’s Plan A. You are worthy of being someone’s first and only choice. You have everything inside of you to be the only thing that your special guy could ever dream of and you certainly don’t have to put up with any forms of disrespect to achieve this. Don’t force what doesn’t fit.
And if the guy you have googly eyes over doesn’t have the same feelings towards you, know your worth, pick up your purse and let him watch you WALK AWAY.
Before you go: Let me know your thoughts on this post in the comments below! Have you ever been “postponed?” Have you ever had an issue when it came to your platonic friendships with potential? I want to hear!
Peace, peace, peace,