I knew I was over my locs way before I cut them.

I truly believe that the universe has a way of expediting a decision when we’re putting something off and after almost of decade of rocking the style, it became clear to me that I had reached the end of this particular journey with my hair.

Living in New York exposed me to all of my insecurities. Existing within this melting box of cultural exchange allowed me witness all of the varieties of beauty that my Southern/Midwestern roots deprived me of.

In both South Carolina and Indiana, there were two types of girls, Black and white.

But in the city, there were Ethiopians with chiseled features and velvety skin. Dominican women with long, blown-out hair and curvaceous physiques. “Hip” white girls who embodied wealth through their lackadaisical style and breezes of expensive perfume. And there was me, the Black girl from South Carolina with a budding self-esteem that may or may not withstand the torrential storm of the “Ideal City Girl.”bey gifI hate to blame everything on my hair, but as a Black girl who has been at the mercies of pressing combs, weak edges, and Saturday afternoons spent on the couch cushion getting her hair braided, I think I deserve a pass. When I decided to get my locs, it was a decision birthed out of spontaneity as opposed to deliberate planning, and I kept them around because they were the version of “me” that I and so many others had grown used to.

This in turn made cutting my locs that much more difficult – and radical – because of the attachment my friends and family had developed with my hair. From the young girls at school who shared how I "inspired them to start their locs,” to the guys who found themselves allured by how “sexy” my hair was; after a while, I started to feel like I wasn’t being seen for who I really was because my hair would be the topic of every discussion.

I needed a change. I researched local shops that specialized in loc coloring because I thought, if I wasn’t ready to fully commit to a big chop, then maybe a new color would spice things up. The beautician I decided on had these beautifully colored, fire-red locs that caused me to (falsely) assume that if she could do that to her hair, she should certainly be able to do the same on mine.

BIG FREAKING MISTAKE.

Through the course of bleaching and adding heat to my roots to “speed up the dying process,” homegirl singlehandedly destroyed my locs. The color faded after only two weeks and I was left with some kind of goldish-purple-red hodgepodge of tinted vomit. Not to mention the bleach weakened my already fragile temples, and to the touch I knew my hair had reached a point of no returngiphy (25)I didn’t recognized my hair anymore.

Needless to say, this was the sign I finally needed to go through with my big chop; and oh, I'm so glad I did.

It’s been 11 months since I took the plunge of cutting off my locs and I feel like a whole new woman. My hair is flourishing into a wild forest of curls and I’m completely in love with it. I’ve never seen myself like this before; I’ve never known my true hair texture until now.

I love seeing how I can perfect my wash-and-go and how I can hide my hair away in box-braids or twists to later reveal the growth it’s undertaken in just a few months. Most of all, I love how confident I feel by embracing my own natural look, free from the people bondage that plagued me for almost a decade.Image-1So, to anybody who’s ever wondered if I would grow my locs back, the answer is a clear and decisive: no.

That was "me" for years, but I’m going to ride this loose natural wave out for a little bit. Maybe I’ll do faux locs, rocks some wigs, wear some cornrows or shave it bald, who knows!

Historically, Black women have had to battle with the ability to possess full agency over their hair. From it being too kinky, to shaming hair-weave-killers, to dictating what colors and texture are "appropriate" and "politically correct." We just need to allow Black women to exist with the styles they find fitting to them and leave it at that.

I've never understood why every move we make with what the hair that grows out of our head has to be clocked, measured, and overanalyzed. That's why you see so many women on social media just up and go full Caillou on us because they're finally realizing their power and taking back ownership of their identity.

Having #hairgoals or a "Hair Crush" is all good, but never grow too attached to anyone’s hair and make it your idol; heck, not even your own.

Even though it took me 9 years to grow my locs out, it took less than 15 minutes for them to be cut and gone forever. Think about that

This version of me is comfortable in her own skin because she knows that her hair is her crown; and no, you can’t touch it.


Before you go: Let me know your thoughts on this post in the comments below! Have people ever put your hair on a pedestal? Have you ever been afraid to change up your style because of what people would think? I want to hear!

Peace, peace, peace,

Aley Arion 

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Posted by:aleyarion

when i first set out to create my blog, i just wanted an outlet to balance my mundane college schedule. but over the years, it has become so much more. writing is how i process my world & the events that take place within it. through aleyarion.com, i seek to help my fellow 20-somethings, like me, working to find light when their paths seem darkened and learn from my mistakes so i can save you the trouble of repeating them. aleyarion.com is witty, vulnerable, and transparent, but most importantly, it's me, unapologetically. peace, peace, peace Aley Arion business inquiries: aleyarion@gmail.com

8 replies on “No, I Don’t Miss My Locs…

  1. Thank you for this. I think many people are too stuck on trying to make their hair be something that it’s not. It all becomes much easier once we look at what we have and start there. Less #hairgoals. This also reminds me of my last post.

  2. My family has put my hair on a pedestal for as long as I can remember. I’ve always had the “good hair” whether I was relaxed or natural. My response to my family is always “good hair is healthy hair”, but they don’t want to hear it lol. When I was relaxed, my hair was “long” because it stopped right above my chest (which it made it good hair). I’ve been natural for 4 or 5 years (I can’t remember) and my hair is “good” because my kinky curls are visible and curl up nicely. But it’s like no matter what I do to my hair the first response (in my family) is always, “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?!?” to, “You have good hair, so it works for you”.

    Please, do not get attached to my hair, because I don’t lol. I’ve kept it cut for a good two years and I’ve been growing it out since July. My hair is “good” because I take care of it, not because my texture is “better” than anyone else’s. Is it less course and a little easier to manage, yes, but if I could substitute my thin hair for course, I’d take it!! But at the end of the day, I love the hair that grows from my head. More Black women need to reach that point.

    1. wow, I really couldn’t have said this better myself! “good hair” is well taken care of hair, not what’s based on texture and length. unfortunatly, we’ve been conditioned to think the latter and have place those who fall under that category on a pedestal based off of Eurocentric features & that’s never been cool to be.

      then on top of that, ever since I cut my hair, I’ve been getting a lot of “wait, did you curl your hair like that or does it just grow that way?” and I’m like, it just grows that way! but that doesn’t make it better than yours! it’s crazy, we just gotta let Black hair be Black hair in all it’s different forms, textures, styles etc. because just like Black people, Black hair is not a monolith.

  3. Again- I 💕 YOUR BLOG!

    & this post in particular I connect with because of my recent chop lol Why did I chop it? Girl…. I wanted my freedom back & to be released from the feeling of obligation I felt in providing a “version of myself” that was visually appealing to everyone but, me.
    Keep writing!

    1. Bri! I’m so glad it resonated with you! I’m so glad you’re walking into this new version of you with your big chop, because when I saw it on you in person, I was floored, you looked completely stunning!! It fits you well!!

      And thank youuuu!! I will!! You know I always appreciate your feedback!! ♥️

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