Sometimes, “how are you?” can be one the most difficult question to answer. I would even argue that it’s more complex of an inquiry than many of the people who impose this question would give it credit to be.

Personally, I find that the difficulty lies in how I should craft my response, simply because I never know if the person asking is looking for the cute-and-condensed, “I’m fine, thank you,” reply or the unfiltered, TLC, Unpretty, Everything around me is burning!! Quick, pass the water,” response.Image result for life on fire memeWhat do people really want to hear? Are they only asking out of habit or through the routine of things? It wasn’t until this last month that I became aware of just how accustomed I had become to expecting people to care about my personal issues at just the surface level. And in an effort to preserve my feelings and (I guess) protect myself from getting them hurt, that’s all I would push myself to give. But in recent days, I have seen how tragedy serves as a magnetic force, drawing in the kindness of others.

It all started when I received an unsolicited DM from a young man I met in college. We didn’t attend the same school, but due to the close proximity of the two universities, it was inevitable for us to cross paths. We’ve kept in contact with each other through our social media and maintained a mutual support of one another’s side passion projects; so his DM initially came as no surprise until he asked, “How have you been though? All is well?” Judge me if you please, but it took me a solid 45mins to response to this, because as mentioned, which response did he have the time and energy to entertain.

So I asked him.

And to that, he replied, “Be real. Ain’t sh*t cute about life lol”

He’ll never know (unless he’s reading this, of course), just how much that one sentence meant to me. For him to actually want to hear the “real” that was my life at the time.

There are people who consider themselves to be friends of mine who have yet to call/text/or reach out in any form, but have I lost any sleep? No ma’am. Their silence has shown me what position they truly hold in my life and because of that, I will kindly place them where they need to go.

You see, sometimes people want to know what’s up with you so they can have a window into your business for gossip purposes.

Others are genuinely concerned.

And well, the other bunch could honestly care less.giphy (3).gif

That’s why it’s so important that when someone comes around who actually gives two cares about the dark, the gritty, and the not-so-Instagram-friendly parts of your life or situation, don’t be afraid to be open to them; to be vulnerable. At times, they can provide you with an outside perspective that you very well may have needed to hear.

Their silence has shown me what position they truly hold in my life and because of that, I will kindly place them where they need to go.

As I enter this new month, I feel a great deal of peace. Peace about being at home with my family. Peace that a new door is opening… just waiting for me to walk into. And peace that I’m not as alone as I feel.

Embrace the kindness of others today. And if you know someone personally or indirectly who appears to be haveing a difficult time, don’t be afraid to reach out to them. I know this experience has taught me to be kinder than I feel, so that’s what I’d like to offer you.

Before you go: Let me know of a time someone’s kindness helped you during a difficult moment in your life in the comments below; I’d love to hear! And take a look at my latest blog post by clicking here.

Peace, peace, peace,

Aley Arion 

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Posted by:aleyarion

when i first set out to create my blog, i just wanted an outlet to balance my mundane college schedule. but over the years, it has become so much more. writing is how i process my world & the events that take place within it. through aleyarion.com, i seek to help my fellow 20-somethings, like me, working to find light when their paths seem darkened and learn from my mistakes so i can save you the trouble of repeating them. aleyarion.com is witty, vulnerable, and transparent, but most importantly, it's me, unapologetically. peace, peace, peace Aley Arion business inquiries: aleyarion@gmail.com

2 replies on “People Don’t Have to Care About Your Problems + June Editor’s Notes

  1. I loved reading this! Instead of asking ‘how are you?’ I usually try to ask a more specific question like, what did you do today? Or, how are you feeling? But I always have to make sure I have enough emotional energy to actually listen. Loving your blog.

    1. awww, thank you so, so much for checking it out!! wow, your tips are so helpful and I wish more people knew them! one of the things I like to ask people is “how are you feeling?” too because it gets to the root and is more insightful of a personal inquiry to me. but yes, having enough emotional energy to actually listen is such a good point and it’s something that I actually haven’t even considered. when you ask how people are, you have to have enough to give when they tell you. so important!

      thanks again for stopping by! ❤

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