I’m going to be real: Black men ain’t checking for me.
Yes, as fine and chocolate as I am, the only bruthas barking up my tree are 50+ year old sugar daddies, looking for a “young, tender thang” to adopt.
I noticed this trend last summer when I developed a bond with a co-worker who just so happened to be Dominican. We were going out to industry events, having a good time, when it became clear to me that the fellas in attendance, particularly the Black men, would skim over all the chocolate ladies in the room and head straight to her.
Fast forward to now and not much has changed.
I recently met a new friend, who also happens to be Dominican, and we hit it off immediately. She’s fun, sweet, and knows how to let loose and have a good time, so I invited her to a day party last weekend. We had a great time; truly. But it was happening again, as we danced to the sounds of Drake and Future, I started to get interrupted every 3-4 songs by a new guy trying to cut me off to dance with her! This literally happened the entire night, but she was so kind about, making sure I was good as I temporarily grooved by my lonesome.
This is not a post to bash my brown, butterscotch queens; I love you. But my experiences have led me to wonder why (some) Black men, tend to navigate towards the most “exotic” girl in the room and disregard the sistas?The reason why this particular topic is triggering for me is because when I look at Serena Williams, I see myself, and recently she’s been under a great deal of scrutiny for loving outside her race. For years, Serena has tried her hand at love with Black men who have ultimately chosen to go in a different direction. Common, Amar’e Stoudemire, Drake… and sure, there have been some white men in the mix here and there. Now we’ve learned that Serena is a newly engaged and pregnant by Alexis Ohanian, billionaire tech-star of Reddit. A.K.A a white man.Some individuals in our community have not taken the news of this very well; they thought why would one of the greatest athletes in the world, a Black woman from Compton, CA, decide to fall in love with a white man and bear his child? And to that, I would pose the same question to the 82%* of Black male athletes and actors who have displayed a preference in dating/marrying biracial, light skinned, and racially ambiguous women once they’ve reached a higher level of status.
*number are not factual, just a figment of my frustration 🙂
Serena has received a mix a congratulatory support from individuals who admire her superhuman abilities to create life while snatching her 23rd Grand Slam, others have criticized her for settling down with a “white boy” who “don’t know what to do with all that.” Still, the mind-boggling concept here is the fact that a) the comments have disproportionately come from Black men and b) particularly those of which have called out her body in an obscene manner. But doesn’t she have everything you guys perpetuate as “bad”? Phat booty, flat stomach, nice smile, beautiful face… or is it less desirable because of the dark skin this package is wrapped in. When I think about the criticism that Serena has undergone in just a few months of unveiling her relationship, I look for the same about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. Big Sean and Jhene Aiko. John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. Daymond John, founder of FUBU, and his new fiancé Heather Taras. If we’re going off of this track record, isn’t it fair and safe to assume that y’all don’t want us? I’m asking for a friend.
There is, without a shadow of a doubt, a double standard when it comes to Black women who date white men and Black men who date white women. Whenever I get into this discussion with Black women, they share the settlement that any Black man who has a white/racially ambiguous girlfriend/wife, is displaying some form of self-hate. And when I hear from Black men on the latter, they explain their disposition is due to Black women being too angry/bitter/opinionated for their liking.
Although I haven’t had the best experience interacting with Black men in social settings as of recently, this doesn’t take away from the fact that I still love my Blackness and all of its ebony hues. Lebron James, Chris Paul, Denzel Washington, Dwyane Wade, Russell Westbrook, Barack Obama, heck, my father all give me hope that one day my Black King will find me and cherish all that I have to offer, skin deep. Serena tried her hand at #BlackLove and well, it didn’t work out. And if you think she’s going to stay single forever just for the sake of getting a Black man, where’s the fairness in that?
Do you want to know the interesting thing about that day party? The only guy to approach me the whole night was a short, charming white guy, with a great smile who just happened to be graduating from dentistry school in May. Hmmm… hey, boo.
Before you go: Ladies, have you had these same experiences when dealing with Black men? Fellas, do Black women have it all wrong? Sound off in the comments below, I’d love to hear!
Peace, peace, peace,