I’m going to be real: Black men ain’t checking for me. 

Yes, as fine and chocolate as I am, the only bruthas barking up my tree are 50+ year old sugar daddies, looking for a “young, tender thang” to adopt.

I noticed this trend last summer when I developed a bond with a co-worker who just so happened to be Dominican. We were going out to industry events, having a good time, when it became clear to me that the fellas in attendance, particularly the Black men, would skim over all the chocolate ladies in the room and head straight to her.

Fast forward to now and not much has changed.

I recently met a new friend, who also happens to be Dominican, and we hit it off immediately. She’s fun, sweet, and knows how to let loose and have a good time, so I invited her to a day party last weekend. We had a great time; truly. But it was happening again, as we danced to the sounds of Drake and Future, I started to get interrupted every 3-4 songs by a new guy trying to cut me off to dance with her! This literally happened the entire night, but she was so kind about, making sure I was good as I temporarily grooved by my lonesome.

This is not a post to bash my brown, butterscotch queens; I love you. But my experiences have led me to wonder why (some) Black men, tend to navigate towards the most “exotic” girl in the room and disregard the sistas?giphy (18)The reason why this particular topic is triggering for me is because when I look at Serena Williams, I see myself, and recently she’s been under a great deal of scrutiny for loving outside her race. For years, Serena has tried her hand at love with Black men who have ultimately chosen to go in a different direction. Common, Amar’e Stoudemire, Drake… and sure, there have been some white men in the mix here and there. Now we’ve learned that Serena is a newly engaged and pregnant by Alexis Ohanian, billionaire tech-star of Reddit. A.K.A a white man.well-serena-pregnant-blog427.jpgSome individuals in our community have not taken the news of this very well; they thought why would one of the greatest athletes in the world, a Black woman from Compton, CA, decide to fall in love with a white man and bear his child? And to that, I would pose the same question to the 82%* of Black male athletes and actors who have displayed a preference in dating/marrying biracial, light skinned, and racially ambiguous women once they’ve reached a higher level of status.

*number are not factual, just a figment of my frustration 🙂

Serena has received a mix a congratulatory support from individuals who admire her superhuman abilities to create life while snatching her 23rd Grand Slam, others have criticized her for settling down with a “white boy” who “don’t know what to do with all that.” Still, the mind-boggling concept here is the fact that a) the comments have disproportionately come from Black men and b) particularly those of which have called out her body in an obscene manner. But doesn’t she have everything you guys perpetuate as “bad”? Phat booty, flat stomach, nice smile, beautiful face… or is it less desirable because of the dark skin this package is wrapped ingiphy (19)When I think about the criticism that Serena has undergone in just a few months of unveiling her relationship, I look for the same about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. Big Sean and Jhene Aiko. John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. Daymond John, founder of FUBU, and his new fiancé Heather Taras. If we’re going off of this track record, isn’t it fair and safe to assume that y’all don’t want us? I’m asking for a friend.

There is, without a shadow of a doubt, a double standard when it comes to Black women who date white men and Black men who date white women. Whenever I get into this discussion with Black women, they share the settlement that any Black man who has a white/racially ambiguous girlfriend/wife, is displaying some form of self-hate. And when I hear from Black men on the latter, they explain their disposition is due to Black women being too angry/bitter/opinionated for their liking.

Although I haven’t had the best experience interacting with Black men in social settings as of recently, this doesn’t take away from the fact that I still love my Blackness and all of its ebony hues. Lebron James, Chris Paul, Denzel Washington, Dwyane Wade, Russell Westbrook, Barack Obama, heck, my father all give me hope that one day my Black King will find me and cherish all that I have to offer, skin deepgiphy (15)Serena tried her hand at #BlackLove and well, it didn’t work out. And if you think she’s going to stay single forever just for the sake of getting a Black man, where’s the fairness in that?

Do you want to know the interesting thing about that day party? The only guy to approach me the whole night was a short, charming white guy, with a great smile who just happened to be graduating from dentistry school in May. Hmmm… hey, boo.


Before you go: Ladies, have you had these same experiences when dealing with Black men? Fellas, do Black women have it all wrong? Sound off in the comments below, I’d love to hear!

Peace, peace, peace,

Aley Arion 

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Posted by:aleyarion

when i first set out to create my blog, i just wanted an outlet to balance my mundane college schedule. but over the years, it has become so much more. writing is how i process my world & the events that take place within it. through aleyarion.com, i seek to help my fellow 20-somethings, like me, working to find light when their paths seem darkened and learn from my mistakes so i can save you the trouble of repeating them. aleyarion.com is witty, vulnerable, and transparent, but most importantly, it's me, unapologetically. peace, peace, peace Aley Arion business inquiries: aleyarion@gmail.com

11 replies on “When She Get on She Gone Leave Yo A** for a White Boy…

  1. Hi as a white person I don’t know if I am entitled to comment and I don’t want to upset anyone but when I dated black men I found that they treated me like royalty 😍😍

    1. hey Amy! you are absolutely entitled to speak on your experiences, hun 🙂 it’s not that Black men don’t know how to treat their women, they are good to us when we have them, it’s that as of recently, it’s seemed that they have shifted their preferences in women to outside of our race, which has been popularized in mainstream culture. that’s cool and all, to each it’s own, but when it comes to Black women dating white men, Black women tend to be the subject of scrutiny.

      1. Doesn’t sounds right at all does it Aleyaroion! (Beautiful name btw) I think that men can be pigs no matter what race they are anyway lol xz

  2. Oh Aley… Ive been looking for some flavor on this here blog… and then i find you and you had me at

    Black men ain’t checking for me.

    hahahahaha! love your style and how your write!! happy i found you!

    1. hey there! yay! thanks so much for stopping by & following! i’m glad you found me too 🙂 yes, girl, i try my best to be as transparent & real with my posts as possible, so there’s more where that came from ❤

  3. I find that I’m approached by all types of men, black, white, Indian ect. Like yourself my first choice is always black. I find that African men tend to appreciate their black women more than anyone else. Find yourself a nice Nigerian, they are everywhere sis x

    1. hey! thanks for checking out the post 🙂 but haha i appreciate the recommendation, i shared your comment with my mentor (who’s Nigerian lol) and she recommended that I stay away from them because their “unromantic” lmbooo but she advised that Ghanaian and Cameroonian guys are lovely so, hey, there may be an opinion here lol

  4. A lot of BM are anti-black women because of the toxicity and anti-blackness that has been rampaging through black communities since we were dragged here during the Middle Passage era. It still disseminates in our communities today, no matter the progress we’ve made because colorism works meticulously and unnoticed until the damage is already done. It’s terrible, it sucks, and nowadays it’s almost like more men from other races realize our beauty before some black men do. It’s toxic and frustrating. There’s still hope though, some Black Men are still beautiful and beautifully uncolorist creatures. I suppose we just have to find the right ones.

    Great post, liked and subscribed.
    Check out my blog sometime? https://noirerewritten.com
    Thanks,
Mena

    1. hi Mena!

      girrrllll, I couldn’t agree more with your points! it sucks and hurts that a lot BM or anti-BW, especially since my Black behind wants nothing more than to create Black babies and build with a Black man. to your point, it’s def a trip how men outside our race are so quick to holler at us before a Black man. strangely, anytime I talk about this topic with other BM, they are quick to pull the, “I love Black women. My mama’s Black.” card. thus leaving me to wonder why i still don’t have a man lmbooo but yes, I am determined to get me a Black man, and not let the shade of my past experiences with them deter me from that. i’m sure the right one will come… eventually ❤

      Thank you again for stopping by, love your blog btw. Don't be a stranger 🙂

      Peace, peace,
      Aley

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