I might have been listening to Anderson .Paak a little bit too much while I’ve been away. But can you blame me? He sound captures all my symphonic needs.
On a mindful Sunday afternoon while listening to .Paak’s “Silicon Valley,” the following words sung by Paak demanded my attention,
“They say the heart is underneath/Underneath and guarded in securities/I finally found the key…/Open your heart, express the malt, baby/Open your heart.”
And it got me thinking: when are you actually over someone and ready to open your heart & be vulnerable again?
I’ve been pretty transparent about my dating life and the pitfalls that I’ve stumbled into, but things are looking up. As I embrace this new found light, introspection is key. I’ve taken some time to look inside myself, and examined my heart, the scares, the bruises, and found that they’re healing. They aren’t as black and blue as they once were and my heart’s outer surface is not as fragile as it once was; it’s tougher. But not so though that it’s can’t let love flow freely through, but tough with a consciousness of which love to allow in.
But how long did it take to reach this realization? Well, it came slowly, then all at once. It’s been a solid 2 years since my last “thang” and for some reason, I felt like it was the most difficult task to move forward from. Granted, it was because I was in love with him, honestly… truly… and he was the first guy I could say that about. Because of this, I assume this difficulty to be inevitable.
Fast forward to now, as I blossom into a young adult with real emotional responsibilities to maintain for myself, I’ve began to analyze my entire love life up until this point and have some grasp on what it is I want; or rather… deserve.
I know all of this.
I also know that none of the latter can come into fruition without first taking the proper steps to get my heart positioned to receive.
If you feel you are finally in the place where you can look back on you last relationship with no illwill in your heart and believe that you are, even a little bit ready to be vulnerable again, then here are some things you should be mindful of on this journey:
1.) You will get hurt.
Part of the journey of becoming vulnerable again is coming into the openness to willing let yourself be hurt in the process. Sounds crazy right? That’s because it is! Even if you look at the definition of the word, vulnerable, it states:
“capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt”
Now tell me what kind of logical sense that makes? I’ll help you, NONE. But there’s something about love that makes you a little crazy. There’s something about willingly giving up the control you have over your heart and the way it beats that requires a person to have at least one or two strews missing. You may not be able to control how you get hurt, but you can control who it’s done by. So at least, choose wisely in this dating game.
2.) It’s not his/her fault.
If you want to step into the next love that’s been set aside for you, you can’t make your new guy/girl pay for the old guy/girl’s mistakes. Little Johnny cheating on you with crusty Sally, has nothing to do with your new boo. When Susie revealed that you were in fact her side piece, your current girlfriend was not there. So why would you have them continue to pay for something that was caused by someone who’s no longer in the picture? In all fairness, that’s not fair. Ladies, say it with me: He’s not him. Fellas: She’s not her.
3.) The work is never done.
In any great process, I’ve always believed that you never truly arrive, you just get better. And when it comes to relationships, the same is true. As you grow and mature, so does your outlook on who you are as a friend and lover. You see what makes you tick, what makes you smile and laugh; you also recognize how you come off to people and how you make them feel. Your new partner may open your eyes to something about yourself that you may not have previously been aware of, and then a new process comes where you begin to work those kinks out. Remain open, and in all things, (learning, evolving, healing) do it in love.
Let me know which tip you’ll apply on your journey to vulnerability. have you seen any of these come to play in your dating life? Let me know in the comments below, I’d love to hear!
Peace, peace, peace,