I think I’m done.
Like, really, officially, completely, without a doubt, done…
Since moving to NYC, dating has seemed like a hopeless cause, met with dead end text messages and fruitless dating apps encounters. I hate that I’ve even gotten to the point where Tinder is one of my Top 5 apps on my phone’s homescreen, but my hopeless romantic self keeps reminding my more rational self that I could be one swipe away from Mr. Right… yeah, right.
The entire process is so repetitive and monotonous, I’ve got it down to a science.
Step 1 – Swipe left, swipe left, swipe left… “Oh, he’s cute!” Swipe right.
Step 2 – Wait a couple of days before the person you match with actually decides to send you a message because you’re the woman, so you’re not sending the message first… duh!
Step 3 – OH. EMM. GEE. I got a message!
Step 4 – Him: Hey there beautiful, you so sexy. Dang girl! The Lord is my Shepard and I see what I want! Come here girl! *or some other thirsty pick up line* (the conversation should have actually ended here, but you swallow your pride and…)
You: *clears throat* Hey, how are you?
Him: Good, you?
You: I’m doing well, can’t complain…
Him: *no text for like 3-4 days, then wants to hit you with the…* Hey, stranger?
At times, I’m actually surprised when someone can hold a conversation long enough to get to the, “What are you up to this weekend?” phrase or has the wherewithal to say, “Hey, let’s take this off the app, here’s my number.”
Maybe I’m too old school for dating apps, but once you exit college and enter adulthood, as unfortunate as it maybe, you have to adapt to the times. But if these are the time in which I must become accustomed to, I just might be single forever.
Just a few weeks ago, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. He was extremely direct, and wasted no time to ask me out. I liked that. After a few exchanges, he slid me his number and not too much time later, we scheduled our first meet up.
We met somewhere in Brooklyn, scrolled the neighborhood a little bit before he ended up taking me to this diner with about 6 people there, including the two of us.
The conversation was decent. We joked around, but for some reason, he just couldn’t get off his phone. (Strike one) It took everything in me to let it slide, but he just couldn’t leave his Snapchat and text messages alone. When I asked him what he did for a living, he shared how he was a rapper, then a dru… I mean a street pharmacist, before letting me know that he was actually a janitor at a local hospital. I wasn’t too much concerned with his occupation, it was more so the incessant lie, after lie, after lie, that had me wanting to pack up my things and exit stage left. (Strike two)
Once our food arrived, we were discussing how much we were enjoying our dishes, when all of a sudden, he abruptly ducks down in his side of the booth, like he just saw the ghost of his long lost baby mama so something. Of course, I’m concerned now, like, what is happening?! His answer, “If the girls behind us comes over here, just tell her you’re my sister.”
Now, of course, my first question to him was, “Is that your girl? If so, why do you have me here?” Then without any warning, he snaps up, like he had just been awaken from a hypnotic trance and goes, “I’m just kidding, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just a girl I used to mess with. She is crazy tho.”
Let’s just say dinner was over at that point. (Strike 3-10)
And that’s just one example of the tragic dates I’ve been through since going electronic.
Do you see what I’m saying now?
I typically have a witty listical to share with you all during these posts, but not today. So I’m turning it to you all, my readers! Let me know in the comments below how you’ve overcome dating struggles and any advice you may have for others who may be on the edge of giving up on actively dating.
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Aley Arion – Your Millennial Mami