What is the cut off age for one to obtain a “best fran”? *Young Thug voice*
15? 21? 25?
Does all of our friend making have to be completed within the four years we were allotted to matriculate through higher education? What if you didn’t go to college? Are you now confined to your high school associates that have been reduced to your Facebook feed, who you only communicate with through clicking a blue thumb?
There has to be hope.
When I first started college, I had a step-sister at the time that I was extremely close with; I’d even go as far to say, we were soul-mates. We connected on a level that went beyond a friendship or even sisterhood; we were inseparable. Because of this, making the transition from our parent’s house to the college world was fairly seamless and I had no added pressure to make any new friends on campus because I had her.
Weeks into my first semester, by some cosmic force, I met two girls from California that changed my entire outlook on what defined a friendship. They say that when it comes to your best friends, you don’t quite remember how you meet them, you just look up one day a year or two down the line and you all are somehow conjoined at the hip, and that’s how it was for the four of us. You rarely saw one without at least two of the others, and our names began to flow together in the same way you would recite the singers of a girl group. We were a brand, a team even, but like most girl groups we’ve all grown to love, personalities get in the way and one singer doesn’t get the screen time that they deserve, and without much notice, they separate.
This was the case with us and ever since having my life intertwined with those girls, it’s been an uphill battle to gain and maintain friendships with other young women. I have majority guy friends right now, because it’s easy; I get guys and our friendships just work. But when it comes to young, millennial women well…
I was speaking with a guy a few weeks back about that topic and met no comforting words, whatsoever. He was completely stuck on the notion that if you didn’t make friends in college, you were basically screwed in that department. And in all honesty, if you would have asked me this very same question about 6 months ago, there’s a fair chance that I would have shared his same disposition.
Based off my definition of what a friend is, I left school with three of them, tops. And although numbers aren’t really the motive here, when you reach a certain point in your 20s, you start to think about who’s going to be at your wedding, if your unborn children will have God parents, and who would be able to take care of you if you were to fall under some crippling illness. Those thoughts scared me because for a long time I didn’t have anyone who fit into those categories. And now that I’ve moved to New York, I feel like the stakes are even higher because I’m no longer in a concentrated environment where I can run into the same people for years and form relationships.
Or so I thought.
In these last couple of weeks, I have been extremely grateful to reconnect with people who I thought I would never have the chance to meet again. And how did these new connection come about? With a simple Facebook message or Instagram comment with the hopes to share brunch or chat over a .99 slice. Just a few months ago, I was so worried that God has put the stops on by friend-making opportunity, until He proved yet again that he has even the most intricate details of my life under control. Even something that seems as small as making friends. We were not made the roam this Earth alone; fellowship is necessary. So if you are feeling like you are in the No Friend Zone, there’s hope for you still. Here’s what I suggest you trying:
1.) Reconnect: Are you in a new city or back at in your hometown? Try reaching out to people you’ve known in the past and admired from afar but didn’t have the chance to meet. You never know, they may have wanted to connect with you all along!
2.) Don’t force it: Whoever is supposed to be your friend will be your friend. You won’t have to force it, it will just work. If they don’t respond to your emails or texts after 2 or 3 tries, let it go.
3.) Be your own best friends: How can you expect to grow within a friendship with someone if you haven’t learned to befriend yourself? Do you know how to enjoy your own company? If not, it’s never too late to learn. Being your own best friend is great practice for the times when your friends may not be available to hang out; if you already know how to enjoy yourself, by yourself, there won’t be a such thing as a lonely, boring weekend. Not to mention, being a friend to yourself makes you a better friend to others.
4.) Just be friendly: Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man who has friends must be a friend.” When you’re at work, are you speaking to your co-workers? At school, have you asked your classmates to join you for a study group? People like nice people, and if they see that you’re approachable, kind, and have a likable personality, that’ll open the door for a conversation and eventually, the start of a new, wonderful friendship.
Before you leave: Let’s uplift and inspire one another; share this post with someone who you think would benefit from this knowledge! Let me know if you’ve ever felt hopeless in the “adult” friend making department. What have you done to make new friends and how are you maintaining the friendships you already have? Like, comment, and follow for new blog updates!
Peace, peace, peace