It’s been quiet around here… maybe too quiet.
Today is my 2 year blogversary, but I’m not really in a celebratory mood. But before I get into why, let me give you all a life update.
Nothing significantly amazing or noteworthy has transpired in my life as of recently. I’m unemployed and spend most of my day on the internet. My sense of joy has been fluctuating between rock-bottom and “ehh, I think I can make it.” Quite frankly, if this is how life is supposed to be post-grad, then I’ll take being a super-senior for 500, Alex.
You see, a few months ago I made the decision to give my life completely over to God. I’ve been saved since 2007, but it wasn’t until I was totally down in the dumps towards the latter part of my senior year that I sat in my dorm room, with tears flooding from my eyes, and told God, “Here you go. I give you my life, my blog, my career, my love life, everything.” I told God to make me over and to do what he wanted to do with my life because it wasn’t like I had much left of it to hold on to anyway. Let’s just say I didn’t consider the gravity of what I was committing to at the time, because that’s when everything changed; for what seemed like the worst.
Nothing in my life came easy anymore; from receiving opportunities to making friends or even getting out of bed every morning…
You see, when you really truly give your life to the Lord, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns dancing on the skyline of Heaven; you’re going to go through what seems like hell. You’re going to feel like God has abandoned you; like He’s left you in the wilderness with no food or water, while He’s sitting up on his throne, chillin’, watching Love and Hip Hop with His angels. But let me be the first to tell you that couldn’t be further from the truth.
When God said that he would never leave us or forsake us, he wasn’t lying!
So you may be still wondering, “Aley, what’s wrong then? It’s your blog’s birthday, you should be celebrating!” And maybe you’re right, I should be. Most blogs don’t make it pass their first year of inception, so I am doing better than most. But since we’re keeping it 100 here, I honestly thought that my blog would be a lot further than where it is today. I put a lot of time, research and love into each post that I create for my readers and since I’m an artist, I’m sensitive about my stuff (that’s an Erykah Badu reference for those of you who aren’t familiar lol). So when people don’t read my posts or my views don’t match the effort I put into them, it hurts. Deeply.
Don’t get me wrong, I love and appreciate everyone who has taken the time to follow, like, comment and even share my posts. Like, you all have NO idea how much that means to me because it fuels me to keep going. But I have to tell it like it is.
And then on top of all of that I’ve swirled back into my old ways of comparing my journey to people I see on my social media pages and like I’ve always said, that will kill your joy quicker than any rejection/disappoint ever could. Watching people seemingly prosper before you when you’re trying to live for the Lord will have you wanting to turn back to your old ways, but I know that’s not the move for the advancement of my spiritual journey; but it’s tempting! lol
I guess there is some kind of silver-lining in the mist of all of this: God. When you really choose to live for Him, I mean really choose to live for Him, you have to realize that God has to take you through a molding process. He has to strip you down, take away some old habits, your comfort and anything else that you are holding on to, so that all that is left is Him. And that’s where I’m at.
God is taking me through this season for a reason that I cannot see right now. But I know it’s for a purpose that is bigger than me. So I have to refocus. I stress the topic of not comparing your journey to anyone else’s because those images, if you’re not careful, can start to eat away at you and even depress you. When the Word tells us to, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life,” (Proverbs 4:23) some people think that it’s only referring to love & relationships, but you have to guard your heart against images of other people’s lives that cause you to compare, grow envious and lose sight of God.
So, here’s where I stand: it’s time to draw back.
This will be my last blog post for a month or so. Maybe until the end of October or whenever God says. I know that he’s been tugging on my heart to really get back to spending time with Him in prayer and by reading His word. I’ve lost focus and it’s time to get back to what matters which is finding what God has called me to do for His kingdom.
In my time away, I will be fasting from social media. No Instagram. No Twitter. No Facebook. No Snapchat (which I love). And maybe even no YouTube.
I’m looking forward to what God is going to do during this break period. And I’m sure that in this time, he’ll give me plenty more to write about upon my return so that I can continue to serve the best in fashion, faith, culture and lifestyle to you all *insert plug*.
Any who, Happy Birthday to Strawberrys & Carbonara!
And until next time, Royalty.
You’ve just been served.