Try not to take my title the wrong way because I mean this in the nicest way possible. Unfortunately, this was a realization that I recently came to and I had to tell myself those very same words. But before I get ahead of myself, let me take you all back a little over 9 months ago.
Last March, I met a guy through a mutral friend and we hit things off almost immediately. He was cute, funny, had a great sense of style, and we shared a common love for fashion. A few weeks in, I knew that this guy was someone special who I could possibly see myself with in the future, but I soon found out that he had just gotten out of a year long relationship. (red flag) He made it clear from the jump that he was not ready to be in another relationship, but for some reason I thought the connection that we shared could push through the hurt from his past and we could work on something new together. (WROOONNNGGG!) We didn’t live in the same state, so we built things on a foundation of communication by talking every day for hours, falling asleep on the phone, waking up to each other’s voices, it was real cute; I can’t lie.
But by the sixth month, things turned and his insecurities began to surface. He started telling me who I couldn’t talk to, planted thoughts into my head that every one of my guy friends were just trying to get with me, and when I visited him for Thanksgiving, he went through my phone and accused me of sneaking around on him. Even with all of this craziness going on, I was too blind to call out his behaviors because I was certain that I “loved” him. (bye, Felicia)
It wasn’t until I was able to sit down and talk to my mentor about him that I was able to put things into perspective. She talked some sense into me, straight no chaser, and helped me to see that the behaviors he was displaying were not okay, and that they resembled something that could possibly turn sour in the right amount of time. So, about two days later, I built up the strength and broke things off with him.
This post isn’t an attempt to bash him because in the times that we shared, I made wonderful memories and learned a lot about myself. Instead, I wanted to share this because I know that I am not the first or only girl that has fallen head first into a world wind of infatuation disguised as love, leaving self-worth behind. Maybe you have a friend who in so deep that she can’t see things clearly for herself. Or maybe you’re reading this and you’re that girl, but you just couldn’t recognize that signs. Well, I’m here to provide you with some tips/warning sign that I hope will help you to bring things to light.
Watch his language
One of the last things he told me when I called him to break things off was that I was “being selfish” and “easily persuaded;” all very nasty things to say especially with it being our last conversation. It hurt initially, but then I realized that he was attempting to control the situation. Another thing too was that as we got closer, he had such a difficult time saying, “I love you.” It was because he didn’t! Even though he eventually came around and started telling me this, it should have been my signal that he was not ready to be fully emotionally invested into the relationship we “had”.
He doesn’t claim you
When I visited him for Thanksgiving, we attended two dinners with his family. But each time he would introduce me to a relative, he would always say, “This is my friend, Aley.” Not his lady, girl, boo thang, no, just friend. That was a huge red flag because if he wasn’t professing that I held a place in his life that was a level above his friend, then there was my answer right there. Clear as day. What is he calling you when he introduces you to his friends/family? Pay attention to what he says because in most cases, that’s how he views you.
He probably already told you
As previously mentioned, he had just gotten out of a relationship and told me up front that he was not ready for a relationship. I think some of us have this desire to make things work out even when there nothing to be worked out. If a guy tells you that he is not looking/ready/wanting a relationship, BELIEVE him! He’s saying exactly what he means, so listen up.
You’re always the problem
When you’re dealing with a guy who has insecurities, it’s almost inevitable that he will always make you the problem. His insecurities will make you think that you’re the one who’s doing wrong and will place you in a box from the fear that one slip-up will make him flip. Let me tell you now that you’re not the problems, baby girl. And you don’t need to keep around anyone who makes you feel as if you are.
In all, this relationship (and I use that term lightly) that I was involved in taught me so much about myself. And above all, I learned that self-worth is key. You have to realize what you deserve and stick to it. I’m a catch, and I had to realize that I was deserving of someone who recognizes that. I know that I have the tools and qualities to make an exceptional girlfriends and some day, a wife. I know now that it’s okay to walk away from a situation that is no longer serving a meaningful purpose in your life. Whether you’ve spent one month, or years with someone, you don’t own anyone anything to stay around. I’m worth the love and commitment and baby girl, you are too. *drops mic*
I hope this post help someone. Tell me what you think; do you want more relationship advice/tips from me. Comment below or click the like button. I hope to hear from you!
You’ve just been served.